If we just pay attention
To facts, and only facts,
The current ones,
Not the past ones,
And how I really should react
There is no reason to to be afraid of
A display of true affection
Reciprocation of attention.
But upon closer inspection
Let’s take a look, a hard look
At my various past selections
How on Earth
Can I let myself
Forget the past facts?
Past facts that clap back
Packed up, compact
In the bank in the back
Of my mind
Think tank
I gotta grind just to find the right kind of
Cash money to satisfy these self-imposed fines
Banks vaults deep down that are expertly lined,
Built with the wealth of my fear
Fat stacks of cash to the rear
Like misjudgment of these fools
Has been my full-time career
Yeah, I’ve been in some deep
and emotional debt,
And at this moment
I am really just tryna forget,
That in the past,
This game of debt’s made me a fuckin wreck
And tryin to pay it off
Is like going neck and neck
Except it’s one versus none
Myself against my mind
And paying this shit off
Has taken some real time
This interest rate is killer
These dimes seem to just climb
Take away all the
Hard work I’ve put in
Overtime
Nonetheless,
I keep investing in you,
Your current stock
Hoping that these profits are gonna come thru,
That they won’t stop
Please, bring me nuff so that I make due
Assets on lock
So I can get up and try to start new
Start from the top
So stick with me
Prove to me
Make it real for me
Please stay n try to force me to be able to see
To trust, to get rid of these piling fees
To successfully save all this accrued money
Don’t stop treating me right,
Or keeping me near
And maybe you can help me silence this
Incessant recession fear
Because you see,
All my
Previous investments have
Pulled me down below zero
Disbelief.
Let down.
Pero eso no es lo que quiero.
But it’s
A dance I’ve
Become accustomed to
A dance I’ve
Become familiar with
A dance that’s
Become difficult
Really not to expect.
But if we look at the
Actual facts, current facts
Right now
You don’t seem like someone
With intention to hurt.
So then how
Are all my senses
Still ready to act, so on the alert?
I guess it’s just that your currency is hard to convert,
and I guess I’ve just been assumin’ I’ll need to revert
To my past methods of tryna divert
To drier feelings before you potentially desert,
Because I might rather stay safe and and single and unhurt
Than exert this extra energy
And try to reassert
That maybe you’ll be good for me
Maybe you’ll be different
Maybe your affection isn’t just a harsh stint
But look, man, I really gotta be honest and admit
That my past has been tinted with some pretty real shit
So it’s hard to trust you,
It’s hard to see
That being with you really
Should just make me happy
And by saying all these things
I don’t mean no disrespect
I’m just caught up in my head
And I’ve been tryna reflect
On the difference between
What I’m seeing
Versus what I’ve come to expect.
So stick with me
Prove to me
Make this real for me
Please stay n try to force me to be able to see
To trust, to get rid of these piling fees
To successfully save all this accrued money
Please understand me,
Please let me be clear,
That even though I’m terrified,
I just want you here,
Just want you to help me
Oh please, my dear
Please try to help me end
My relentless recession fear
Lauren Dixon 